My Lessons From Pushing Too Damn Hard, Causing Back Injuries, Agonizing Pain and Days In Bed
How I was able to heal myself using prayer, meditation, conscious breathing and self love.
Photo Credit: Chinmayan
PREPARING FOR THE COMING STORMS
Our continuing adventures of preparing for storms, making firewood in the mountains, pushing too hard and causing a major back attack, with days of overwhelming pain as I worked to recover using prayer, meditation and mindful breathing.
It’s been an intense past few days, with no let up in sight.
We have been under more winter storm warnings that predict heavy snow for at least this coming day and beyond that will fall down to even the lowest elevations.
We invested most of yesterday in preparing to be snowed in, with getting more food and propane stocks to make sure we have enough for at least a week of back to back storms.
Since we have both moved aboard my tiny house as our one refuge, we are keeping warm though using this ship’s furnace going during all the hours that we are awake.
This level of cold is not to be ignored or played with, especially now that Ani is more vulnerable to being hurt by it.
It is comforting to know that we have enough propane here to be able to run and use the furnace whenever we need without worrying about running out.
The first snow has just begun outside when the rain that was falling heavily simply turned into snow as the temperatures dropped.
It is beautiful to watch snowflakes lazily falling to earth, even though I know we will be working out in the storm today.
We have two families waiting to pick up firewood that we will need to make for them today, irregardless of the weather.
We stopped keeping our own fire going because the hall is simply too big and uninsulated to heat to any degree that would be comfortable.
We have realized that for our own safety and well being that we must huddle together here, in this tiny house and keep things as simple as possible.
Photo Credit: Chinmayan
ANSWERING A DESPERATE CALL FOR HELP
Two days ago, we got a desperate call from a single mother and child who is snowed in in the mountains above town, for firewood.
Our valley sits at 1350 feet above sea level, while many of the homesteads in the mountains surrounding us are at 3,000 to 4,000 feet or more.
They received much more snow than we did, that did not melt in the three days of sunshine we just had before this new round of storms began.
The sun was shining when we got the call, so we loaded our big four by four with all the tools and drove up to one of our mountain harvest sites to bring in the wood needed to fill her order.
At the time, she was coming in a few hours, so we were pushing hard to first skid (forest worker parlance meaning “to pull up with a steel cable”) these long oak tree trunks up out of the canyon onto a landing, and then cut them into rounds.
Ani worked alongside me, as she has for many years. She dragged the steel cable down into the canyon and secured it to each log in turn and then I pulled them up with our big four by four truck set in 4 wheel drive low.
Normally, I work alone, without any time pressure, which allows me to take frequent breaks and work at a pace that doesn’t strain my body.
But that day, we were under time pressure, so I worked intensely with no breaks or even breathers.
Once the logs were cut into rounds, I was loading each round with my hook knife into the cargo bay at a fast pace. Each round weighs a good 30 to 50 lbs, so it is strenuous work…but I didn’t realize at the time how much I was actually straining my back.
After getting all the wood we needed, we went back to the woodyard with just two hours before she was supposed to come…so I pushed again to unload the heavy rounds and then split and load the firewood into our tractor bucket, again working without breaks or giving my body a chance to rest or cool down.
I did complete her order on time, only to get a text saying she was snowed in and couldn’t come and would be sending a friend with four by four truck to get her wood the next day.
Photo Credit: Chinmayan
STRAINING MY BACK Into HAVING A “BACK ATTACK”
But I had pushed way too hard, so that when I went into our house, I felt my back was in trouble and intense pain started shooting through it.
The main muscles running along my lower back had been sprained and the pain from that built up as they tightened into being rock hard until at the point where I collapsed screaming with overwhelming agony onto the floor.
I am a big man, so it was rough on Ani to try to lift me up enough to help me into bed, but she did.
She realized how serious it was because though I am a tough guy who doesn’t complain, I was screaming and crying and cussing with absolutely unbearable pain.
I had to stay in bed, but could not sleep as pain throbbed in my back.
Suddenly I went from being a hale and hearty man who can do whatever is needed in the moment to being helpless and unable to move, completely dependent on Ani to take care of me.
This shift was scary, for the pain kept coming in bigger and bigger waves, as if there never will be an end to it and my mind was freaking out.
Photo Credit: Chinmayan
HEALING MYSELF WITH THE POWER OF SELF LOVE, PRAYER, MEDITATION AND CONSCIOUS BREATHING
But then, my training in meditation, which is all about gaining control over our minds, kicked in.
I pulled my mind away from panic and all the scary thoughts which I know would only make the experience many times worse and focused on my breathing.
Conscious breathing is a very powerful tool. Thich Nhat Hahn says, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”
In overwhelming situations, it is also our salvation.
I have seen for myself how powerful conscious breathing really is over many years of facing unexpected challenges.
As I lay there in agony, the only thing I could do was to consciously stay in this very present moment and continuously practice meditation focusing on each breath with full attention as I prayed to the divine to heal my back.
I have had several major back attacks like this over the years, where I was alone, with no one to help me, far up in the mountains, in attacks so severe that after hours crawling down the hall to my bed and collapsing into it, I could not move any part of my body except my eyes and lips.
Going through these experiences, I was forced to learn how to heal myself through conscious breathing and active God connection because I had no one to turn to but God to get the help I needed.
These experience had taught me the power of focusing on healing myself through these combined practices: prayer, meditation, self love and mindful breathing.
In each attack, I was able to have complete and perfect healing and become totally pain free through using these four practices, combined with focusing every ounce of my personal power and attention on working the process as I lay in bed for one or two days and nights.
Its been many years since my last attack, but when this one hit me, I instantly remembered these four practices and all it took to heal myself before.
I admit I had trouble quelling my fearful thoughts that circled my consciousness like hungry wolves, but I also knew that I had no chance to have real healing if I let these wolves in for the kill.
I focused on praying, being present and deep mindful breathing with all my might and will.
I also consciously sent streams of loving, appreciative thoughts to the strained back muscles that were screaming in agony, as if they were children needing love and attention.
I apologized to them for causing the strain which sent them way past what they could handle into the red zone.
I spoke to them soothingly, saying we aren’t straining anymore, you’re safe now and please simply listen to my caring voice and relax and let go, as I lovingly and gently massaged the hurting areas of my back.
This process was not as easy as I make it sound, for I had to deal with waves of excruciating pain that would not quit, which seemed as if it had been going on forever and continue happening from now on.
Its very hard to not slip into overwhelming fear when pain keeps coming to that degree.
But like a drowning man, I knew any chance of healing and becoming free from pain depended on maintaining strict and conscious control over my mind. And so I did.
Even though It was nearly impossible to sleep, I kept up with the prayer, meditation, self loving exercise and mindful breathing for the days and nights as we gradually coaxed the strained muscles to relax and let go of the pain.
Now, I am becoming freer of agony with each new full deep breath, each prayer, and every mindful thought and am almost completely free of pain.
Another lesson in the vast School of Life that I am still learning, grateful to be able to stand and walk and yes, even work gently and carefully once again.
Photo Credit: Chinmayan
Make Your Suffering Useful
“Suffering is unavoidable sooner or later as long as you live in a human body. Your suffering is either going to be useful or useless, depending upon how you react to it and do with it and learn from it. If you let your suffering drive you to seek the end of suffering through the Dharma in prayer, meditation and conscious breathing, while learning the futility of any attachments to your body or anything in this world, then it is very useful. But if just suffer through your suffering until it is over, without learning anything or being inspired to seek the only real solution that can ever be found through the Dharma, then it is useless.”
—-Kalu Rinpoche
Photo Credit: Still Mountain Meditation Center
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How amazing that you were able to heal your back like this. Best wishes and wellness to you!