Top 5 Regrets of the Dying: Profound Lessons in Living Your Best Life With Passion, Purpose and Meaning
We take our lives for granted, as if we are immortal, but death is inevitable and the dying have important lessons to teach us about how to live so we have no regrets when our time comes.
Photo Credit: Joel McGraw
Many years ago, I was very fortunate to meet and become a disciple Kalu Rinpoche, who was one of the first great meditation masters from Tibet to dedicate himself to bringing the Dharma to the west.
I was one of his very first American students, who he affectionately referred to a his “heart sons.”I dedicated myself to studying and training closely with him for many years.
Whenever Rinpoche gave a course on the foundational spiritual practices, he always began with “The Four Thoughts To Turn The Mind to The Dharma”.
We will dive into these Thoughts in detail in future stories… but a key point that Rinpoche would make at every teaching is that, in order to not waste our precious human life, we should constantly remind ourselves that all living beings, ourselves included, will die someday…
…and that we should treat this awareness not as a morbid fascination but as a continuous wake up call.
He would say that if you really understood your situation, you would conclude that the real purpose of our human life is to use it to evolve spiritually and ultimately, to attain enlightenment.
“There are only two types of human beings…those who have realized that the purpose of life is to use it to practice the dharma, attain Realization and then help others achieve this same state of complete freedom from suffering…and those who have not yet awakened to the true purpose and meaning of life.”
“If you want to master your life you must constantly remind yourself to make good use of its precious opportunities and potential while you still have a healthy body and a sound mind, for the time of death is uncertain and you need to practice the Dharma without delay, so that you can greet death with a smile when your times comes.”
“Everything is impermanent, wrapped in the Four Ends:
The end of all birth is death.
The end of all building is ruin.
The end of all accumulation is dispersion.
The end of all meeting is parting.”
Rinpoche’s life story is a shining example of what is possible to achieve when our priorities are well focused on the truly important issues and fulfilling our full human potential.
When I met him in 1972, he had devoted himself to spiritual practices since boyhood and was regarded as one of the most realized masters of Tibetan Buddhism.
When he left his body in 1989, he inspired everyone present by doing so consciously, with full awareness and foreknowledge.
He left instructions about when and where his next incarnation would be born, including who his parents would be and how he wanted to be trained.
I will write more about this story in future issues, including sharing about the present Kalu Rinpoche, his incarnation, who is now a young man who has taken up the work and responsibilities of the first Kalu Rinpoche again, teaching and traveling around the world.
Photo credit: Chinmayan
Now I want to talk about how you can apply these principles to your own daily life.
In 2011, Bronnie Ware, published a book entitled “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying—A Life Transformed By The Dearly Departing,” which was inspired by her years of experiences as a Hospice nurse, attending hundreds of patients during their last days before their deaths.
The book became an international bestseller, sold over a million copies and has been translated into 31 languages.
I am going to quote keys passages from it here, because what she shares with us is so important.
When some of my dying patients insisted I share their message onward, they meant so others could fully grasp the anguish and heartbreak that dying with regret causes…
They wanted me to help others find the courage they lacked…
Living regret free is not something achieved in a flash…it is created by an ongoing day to day process of conscious decisions, loving actions to ourselves and a whole bucket of courage.
We are all going to die, and none of us wishes to do so with regrets.
In our heart, we want to live our best life, which includes daring to be our best self.
I am incredibly grateful to have witnessed the reality of death and regret.
Facing this has given me the courage on many occasions, when life felt too hard.
Finding the courage to act…will never be as painful as lying on a death bed full of regrets.
If we are able to face our own inevitable death with honest acceptance…then we need to shift our priorities well before its too late.
This gives us the opportunity to put our energies into directions of true value.
Once we acknowledge that limited time is remaining…we are less driven by ego…and more driven by what our hearts truly want.
Photo Credit: Chinmayn
The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
1) I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2) I wish I hadn’t worked so hard and neglected important things.
3) I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4) I wish I’d stayed in touch with friends and those I loved…and expressed my love for them.
5) I wish I’d let myself be happier, more content and appreciated what I had.
Photo Credit: Still Mountain Meditation Center
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