Wild and Scary Days Finding Our Way Through Outer and Inner Storms.
After enduring wild and scary days of endless storms outside, we had to face the rising threat of a crisis of emotional storms of stress, strain, fear and pain.
Photo Credit: Chinmayn
It has been quite a ride here on Still Mountain, as one major atmospheric river rain storm after another has been pummeling us for days on end.
There have been so many intense storms since the beginning of the year until now, that it feels like howling winds and lashing rain that goes on for nights and days has always been and always will be our reality.
I can’t remember the last time we had the sun shining in a baby blue sky or the feel of a gentle breeze kissing my cheek.
It has been storm after storm, with little lulls between them, when it gets still and quiet and all the frogs who live in the creek nearby start singing in celebration.
But we aren’t fooled into thinking this will last.
Our phones keep chirping with yet another “Severe Weather Advisory.”
We go for walks, check for any damage from the storm just passed, make sure everything is well battened down and any needed supplies are laid in before the next one hits.
We did discover more damage…one of our fences has been knocked over; the signs and rain curtain on our Firewood Stand were torn off and our Splitter Shed, where we make our firewood, had its roof partially collapsed.
We just had two back to back storms, which were so intense that while they were raging on, we stayed close and huddled together in my tiny house, not daring to go outside.
A third storm is lashing us as I write and there are at least three more marching their way across the Pacific towards us right now.
In the midst of a storm, it does get very wild and scary.
I am grateful that even when the wind is howling the loudest and blowing so hard that it seems like every tree will fall and my tiny house knocked off its wheels, that it has not happened.
I do whatever I can to limit the damage and get everything battened down between storms, but once the next one hits, I choose let go of worrying.
I know that whatever happens then is out of my control.
I know that “this too shall pass.”
However bad the it gets, I know the storm will move on and that calm and even sunshine will return someday.
Photo credit: Chinmayan
All these days of grey skies, wind and storm, which feel like they will go on forever, do begin to erode our normally cheerful dispositions.
My partner Jaya is very sensitive to environments and energies and is struggling with these inclement conditions, as she endures a storm of stress and anxiety within herself.
This morning, as we entered a lull, she tried to communicate to me that she was in a state of crisis, but I didn’t really hear it.
Like many men, I thought the best use of my time today while there was a lull, was to go outside and work to repair the damage from the last storm and get better prepared for the next one.
But Jaya came to me later, after I had gone to bed exhausted from pushing so hard to get things done, to tell me she was really suffering after being left alone all day without my affection or support.
As she spoke I suddenly realized how hard these storms, and other challenging things in our life, have been for her. I finally really heard about her anguish, her struggles and her need to have help.
As I listened, my heart broke open to feel her pain.
I had let accomplishing seemingly important tasks take priority over taking care of and being there for her when she truly needed me.
The truth is and always will be that showing up completely for her everyday is my highest priority. If I neglect her and our relationship, I am neglecting the most important person in my world, who needs and wants my love and attention. And I had neglected her today…
I count myself as the luckiest man in the universe because I am blessed to be with her. Our relationship is a precious privilege and my greatest opportunity to learn how to truly love.
After realizing my mistake, I told her that I would be at her side from now on, focused on helping her as she needs… Listening to her, cooking breakfast, making the hot tea she loves, going out for walks, being loving, caring and attentive.
The outside work can wait.
No matter what this atmospheric river rain and wind storm tearing at our world right now does to Still Mountain, I can and will restore it later.
But showing up with every bit of my love and caring while Jaya goes through her inner storms cannot wait.
Being there for her, being the loving friend she needs is what my life is really about.
I will not allow myself to get so distracted again that I fail to hear her calling me…so that we make it together through all the coming storms.
I now choose to see each storm as a rare opportunity.
As we lay in bed in my little house, rocking back and forth and up and down on howling winds, like a ship in rough seas, I am grateful for all we have and share in our life together.
I see it all as a blessing and trust the God is here, looking out for us.
Photo credit: Chinmayan
Thank you, dear one!
Your prayers are needed and greatly appreciated!
Thank you for caring!
Thank you, dear one!
Your prayers are needed and much appreciated!